i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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