I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
