Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
no you cant smoke seaweed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
