I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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