I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
