Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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