College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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