youre lurking in front of me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
