just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
