Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
