im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
