i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
