tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
