FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
