Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
