Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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