just tell him i said nine months
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
