That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
