you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
