My liver just broke up with me...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
