all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
