Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
