garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
