omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
