what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
