so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
