Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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