She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
