I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
