is your mom at the bar?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
