I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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