he puts the penis in happiness.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
