It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
