By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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