So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Randomize
