I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can feel your judgement through the phone
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
