I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
