I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
