My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
