Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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