My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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