Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
even my farts smell like vagina
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
