Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
FUCK WHALES
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
