apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
