Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
