to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
