yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
