I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
