My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
