so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
