yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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