I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i barfeds in our rink
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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